there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
