i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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