the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
tell me about the eggs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
