so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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