Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
