Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
