She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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