He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
