Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
