i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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