I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
