I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
