Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
