You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
