3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
