You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
