I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i out mim tonsoeep
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