Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
two words...techno handjob
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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