I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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