after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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