i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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