He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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