i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
