He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
