we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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