This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
