So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
