therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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