i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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