3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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