ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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