Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
