What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
