Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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