I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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