Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
