Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
