There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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