have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
