Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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