can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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