The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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