Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
