The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fuck appropriateness.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
