At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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