You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
zippers are such a cool invention
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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