i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
