there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
