12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
