she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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