Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
