he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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