so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
