Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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