We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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