Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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