I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
