So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
