Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
