my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we're chasing vodka with high fives
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
