Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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