You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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