I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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