I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
