Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
