some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
