please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
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what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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