this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
