Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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