My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
