Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
