once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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