I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
