I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
