She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
